Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
