Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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