dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
