Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
