i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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