haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
