I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
