thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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