So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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