I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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