i wish my penis had a tongue
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
