Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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