Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
