I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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