Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
