You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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