I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
