Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
