yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
