Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
