Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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