you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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