Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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