I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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