She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
