I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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