You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The power of my boobs compel you
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
