Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
