I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
