I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
