On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
okay pat passed out under dana's car
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
