Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
