Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
