oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
bring money and cleavage
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
