1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
