And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
