I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
