why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
