Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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