the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize