When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
