Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
