She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
