I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
