someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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