hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Non-Jews are for practice
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
