i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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