Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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