Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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