ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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