Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
