Moan for me like Helen Keller
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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