At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
