hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
