the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
