i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
