i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
