kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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