I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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