I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
