thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
