eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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