plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
