Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
