By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
