i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We talked him into tasing himself.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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