Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
