the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
