So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I could make wine with my vomit
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
