Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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