He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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