I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
