yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
