Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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