Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize