Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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