So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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