billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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