She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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