Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My pussy is not your playground.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
