Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
