My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My balls are so social today.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
