He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
