Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
