Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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