I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
