I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just had sex bonerless
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
