Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
