Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
